Choosing Thomas

(excerpted from Matt Donovan's post @ AdoptiveDads.org)

I watched [this video] and was not really prepared for the emotional sucker punch. So, be warned – Choosing Thomas is poignant and very raw. Every father and mother should see it.

T.K. and Deidrea Laux’s son, Thomas, was born with Trisomy 13. Well before his birth, they knew he would not live long, if at all. The Dallas Morning News is doing a series on this story and this video is the first installment. There are two things that’ve really stuck with me since watching it yesterday.

1. Love in spite of loss.

It made me think about the foster children we had hoped to adopt. The days – sometimes weeks or even months – of uncertainty about their permanence in our family made us feel helpless. “The phone call” from the case worker informing us they’d be leaving. It could be days or weeks before they were gone, but eventually they’d be taken and we’d probably never see them again. But we still loved them like crazy because it wasn’t about us. When asked why they chose not to terminate, the couple said,

We didn’t not terminate because we were hanging onto some sort of hope that there was a medical mistake or there was gonna be some medical miracle. We didn’t terminate because he’s our son.

2. Loving a person instead of an ideal.

There’s a scene where they are picking out a casket while Deidrea is still pregnant. The sales woman is explaining the differences between various selections in such a way that they could be purchasing anything – like a car seat or a crib. No parent plans on that. Nobody gets married and thinks about picking out their unborn baby’s casket. Similarly, no one daydreams about choosing not to parent a child, or about learning they’re infertile, or about losing a nearly-adopted child to a birthmother who has decided to parent.

It’s difficult to say whether any of these similarities quite matches the degree of pain the Laux’s must have experienced, which is why I think we have something to learn from T.K. I don’t know him, but everything I saw in that video is a hardcore example of fatherly love. If you have ten minutes (and a private place to have a good, ugly cry), you should definitely watch it.

 

"well done" OR "safely done"?

When our life is over, and we are reviewing our life together with our Father....

Which will it be for you and I?

Andy

Life in the midst of death | Mapalo Blessings

Mapalo (Blessings)A note from Dru, Lifesong missionary in Zambia, Africa...

Dedicated in loving memory of Mapalo (Blessings) Mukange (1 April 2004 – 23 March 2009)

Malaria struck in full force the last two months. We’ve taken as many as 14 in one day to the clinic; it is often fatal, as it was in the case of 4-year-old Mapalo. I thought of Ramah crying for her children as I drove Mapalo’s aunt and father home from the hospital the day he died; the entire half-hour trip was accompanied by loud wailing and crying, which only got louder as they were joined by friends and family when we arrived in the compound.

I cried silent tears as I watched the neighbors carry furniture into the yard to make room in the house for the mourners. It is a daily occurrence in the compound, where death prevails; all too often, it is the children who die. Our security guard, Nicodemus, had 9 children; five died in infancy.

How do we celebrate life in the midst of so much death?

I found the answer at the cemetery, when I attended Mapalo’s funeral. This was my first time to attend a funeral in Zambia; I have usually made excuses to avoid them. The cemetery was as busy as an American shopping center the day after Thanksgiving—burials every direction I looked and the roads lined with cars, buses, and large trucks used to transport mourners. After the service, we walked to the area where children are buried. We had to wind our way through mounds scattered throughout, many with no markers; the cemetery is near capacity.

A man dug the shallow grave while we looked on, the wooden coffin we bought was laid inside, and the grave filled. The women patted the dirt with their hands, and a man uprooted a nearby cassava plant and stuck it in the dirt. This plant will wither and “die” but will later revive and form a large bush to shade Mapalo’s grave.

I found this a very poignant reminder that we must die to our old life in order to be reborn into our new life in Christ. The Zambians use this as a symbol of life after death. Mapalo may have left us, but he is enjoying life with Jesus in eternity. This is what we celebrate even as we grieve our losses on earth. We know that our Redeemer lives, and because He lives, we too will live again in a new body that will not suffer or die!