Dangerous Adoption
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 at 8:54AM We are thankful to Paul Pennington and Hope for Orphans for their wisdom and discernment!
Dangerous Adoption
Remember that God wants to use you as an instrument of grace in the lives of your body of believers. He also wants to use that body to help you when the wheels of your life come off. Does your church have a support group for families adopting special needs children? Does your church have an orphans ministry at all? Pastor Chuck Swindoll says: “The test of our morality and theology is passed or failed by our response to the weakest and most helpless among us”. May God use you and your church as a demonstration of pure religion that is pleasing to Him.
[NOTE: This post was originally written by Paul and Robin Pennington for the Hope for Orphans April 2010 E-Newsletter, which can be found here.]
By now you no doubt have heard about the Russian 8-year-old adoptee sent by his American adoptive mom….alone…back to Russia with a note. The repercussions of this decision on hundreds of Russian children waiting for families are devastating to be sure. What many don’t know is that failed adoptions, or disruptions as they are called, are on the rise and Christians are not immune even if it does not reach such a dramatic level. In fact, Christian families are in some ways more at risk.
Little noticed in the story of the Russian child is that his master-degreed, medical professional mom chose to pursue a “special needs” child because she wanted to get a child more quickly. It also appears that despite the routine communications of her agency post placement, she did not have an effective post adoptive support system.
This story teaches us about two very important trends in the North American adoption and orphan ministry movement. One trend (though a very small percentage of the total number of adoptions) is negative and dangerous, the other positive and encouraging.
In an ever-increasing consumerist American church there is emerging a troubling trend — families who see adoption as a new badge of spirituality. At Hope for Orphans, we stress that those considering adoption should carefully examine their motivations before they ever begin the adoption process.
Common red flags we see are: pursuing adoption as a mission, wanting to please God as a result of sins of the past, desiring a sister or brother for a biological child, or thinking it will help a struggling marriage. Orphaned children do not want or need to be a mission, an act of atonement, a companion strategy or a marriage enhancer….no, they want and need what every child wants and needs…..a mom and dad that loves them unconditionally. Motives that are not geared towards the “unconditional” love of a child, but rather focused more on meeting a need in the parent(s) are dangerous.
It is a sign of a more “me-centered” Christianity that leads to adopting special needs children as a means of getting into the “express lane”. This sort of thinking, which minimizes or dismisses the true needs of hurt children and doesn’t take the time to count the costs, has led to an 8-year-old who sits today confused in a Russian hospital.
On the other hand, more and more there is a wonderful trend and work of God that is the counter to this very sad case. Lay leaders led by the Holy Spirit are launching orphan ministries in their local churches. Many of these new ministries are creating adoption support groups. Typically, adoptive families blessed with years of experience, come alongside new adoptive families, as mentors, coaches, crisis responders, prayer warriors and respite caregivers. This is what the Bible calls “body life”. The Scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 12: “so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it.”
Reader Comments (5)
Excellent post!
In addition, I would like call your readers attention to these related issues:
Adoption has, very sadly, become a mega billion dollar industry rampant with exploitation of impoverished peoples and families in crisis. Adoption agency businesses - even religious and non-profit - are in business to cover overhead and salaries and are less regulated than nail salons (per L. Anne Babb, "Ethics in American Adoption").
Those who profit from the redistribution of children play on good, loving caring people. One tactic they use is intentionally exaggerated numbers of "orphans" needing to be "rescued." 90% of children in orphanages worldwide have at last one living parent and are not eligible for adoption, as was the case with the two children adopted by Madonna.
Child trafficking is a major crisis worldwide and very well-meaning spiritually led families have unwittingly would up adopting children who were stolen, kidnapped or obtained through coercion and exploitation.
Interracial adoption holds another whole set of issues and should not be undertaken without a deep understanding that we live in a racists society and your child WILL BE subjected to racism in a way that you will be unable to understand.
Before considering adoption it is imperative to see this video:
Duped by Indian adoption agency, US family cautions couples
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics/nation/Duped-by-Indian-adoption-agency-US-family-cautions-couples/articleshow/5964751.cms
And also read: The Lie We Love by E.J.Graff
www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2008/10/.../the_lie_we_love -
If you want to help children consider donating to organizations such as SOS Children\'s Fund, or Save the Children. These orgs help children AND their families, instead of taking children one by one and leaving their family in the same dire straights.
Mirah Riben,author, The Stork Market: America\'s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
I am both extremely impressed and encouraged by this post.
As an Adult Adoptee, Adoption Reform Activist, Adoptee Rights Activist, and Christian, I often find myself having to seperate my adoption beliefs from my involvement in the Christian community because quite frankly, what I believe about adoption is not accepted by many fellow Christians. I have felt like many of my fellow Christians have been too quick to dismiss real, immoral issues in adoption because of the blanket assumption that the vast and wide majority of adoption is a wonderful, God-sponsored event that does nothing but "good."
In addition to the very accurate motivators towards adoption that you've listed here, I've also noticed at least three more in my own journey (1) adopting simply because it is a physical representation of a person's understanding of spiritual adoption (2) because people believe adoption is included in "The Great Commission" and (3) because it is callously thrown into the faces of infertile couples as a "cure" for their infertility in the place of offering them real healing (I am not saying infertile couples should not adopt, but they deserve help and healing for the very painful issues infertility can cause--not to be quieted with urges to adopt and then for the surrounding community to assume they're "fine" because they've adopted). The result of wanting to adopt for all-the-wrong-reasons, as you've posted here as well as Mirah has stated above, is adoptions that ignore the Human Rights of everyone involved in adoption, because there is such a rush to get a child into the home of a person who can pay the adoption fee, with little regard for the child, the Natural Family, or the Adoptive Family and their needs.
Adoption is a multi-billion dollar industry, one of the largest, unregulated industries in the United States. About 2% of U.S. children are adopted and over 6 million Adult Adoptees are unequally viewed and protected under the laws in more than 44 States. The overwhelming demand that there is to adopt children for decades has resulted in very questionable (and some downright horrendous) agency and State practices, women feeling pressured and manipulated to relinquish, U.S. states relying on promoting adoption to manage dependency instead of working to keep families that can be saved together, and countries abroad relying on orphanages instead of offering adequate welfare programs to preserve families and cultures. The U.N.'s definition of "orphan" is a child with ONE deceased parent--many children in orphanages have families who visit regularly but cannot take them home because they do not have adequate resources or health care in order to do so. Each and every person needs to ask themselves "how would I feel if I were one of these children, or one of these families, putting my child in an orphanage because I am too poor to care for them, and one day I go to visit they are not there; they've been adopted out to America?" When one places an application for adoption without doing their homework, without demanding information and scrutiny of the entire process, without confirming that the child they are adopting is truly orphaned/abandoned--the system continues to harm families.
As a Christian, I do not believe that Spiritual Adoption in the Bible has anything to do with Physical Adoption and certainly not an extension of "The Great Commission." The Holy Spirit can be effective wherever a person is, they do not need to be physically adopted in order for Him to Spiritually Adopt them. This is why outreach and providing support for families is so important. Talmudic Rabbis disagreed with Roman-Style adoptions and physical adoptions mentioned in the Bible were not legally-binding in the sense as they are today. Spiritual Adoption is about the reunion and preservation of God's Original Family, the son back to his father, the sheep back into the fold, the coin back into the purse so on and so forth. Being saved from sin into God's kingdom being compared to physical adoption assumes that all adoptees we're "saved" from something, comparing their Original Families to "sin." Rather, many of our mothers were misinformed, pressured, lied to, and were impoverished--not sinful. Nary is there ever any church support for these women either that I have ever seen.
I encourage you to keep urging others to demand ethics in adoption, to be aware of the very real issues, to do their homework, to seek support, and to adopt for the right reasons. A child should never be given the job of being anything other than a child--I could not agree more.
Excellent and appreciated post! I also second Amanda's comment above.
These jerseys men football jerseys which are interestingly termed retro basketball jerseys sports jerseys store are old school. Here is an example,football jerseys for youth men football jerseys, Brazil Team World Cup Soccer Jersey Kobe’s jersey at the present time, but the Lakers look 20 years ago. That would be an example of the throwback kind. Sports stars put them on now and again during games also.
Most of these jerseys NBA basketball jerseys state they’re replicas,Designer Handbags sports jerseys store, yet in fact aren’t. They are the cheapest ones cheap nike shoxmen basketball jerseysout there. They’ve screen imprinted lettering, Women's Handbags additionally are made of the least expensive fabrics availableNike Nike Air Max Shoes.